Start Breaking Into Those Wishing Wells At The Mall: Scarlett Johansson Is Auctioning Herself Off On eBay

MONDAY, MARCH 03, 2008
Author: Susan
Tags: Scarlett Johansson

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The AP reports:

"Scarlett Johansson is auctioning herself off on eBay. The star is offering up a date plus two red carpet tickets to the premiere of her new movie 'He's Just Not That Into You' which also stars Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck. All money raised from the eBay auction will be donated to the charity Oxfam."

Could this turn out to be as good as that bar scene in Coyote Ugly where Kevin O’Donnell saves Violet Sanford’s job by auctioning himself off Chippendale-style to the highest bidder? – the bidders being a bunch of generic-looking white chicks who were all one jello shot away from getting laid by any New York bouncer.

Hey, this randy move worked for Kevin O’Donnell. Not only did he indeed save his sweetheart’s job, he got her to become his sweetheart.

Will such a scenario pan out at the end of this eBay race to win a date with Scarlett Johansson? Of course not. Why? Because some super rich asshole is going to win, that’s why. Listen, no matter how many slices my former college room-mate Tito (who actually runs his own modest but respectably profitable Pizzeria in the East Village) sells, he will not be the winner of the eBay contest and that’s sad. If anyone deserves to win, it’s Tito.

Sorry, Oxfam. I am on your donor list. But I disapprove of any contest set-up that discriminates against my friend Tito.