Another Rock Star Sex Tape? No. I Don't Believe It.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2008
Author: Francisco
Tags: Gene Simmons

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KISS frontman and Apprentice star Gene Simmons is probably choking on his enormous tongue at the moment, as a website called GenesSecret.com claims to have obtained video of the star engaging in sex with a spokesmodel for an energy drink Simmons endorses.  Simmons has been dating Shannon Tweed since 1985 and they have two children together, so aside from the embarrassment of having his flabby ass floundering all over the internet, he's probably in some deep shit with her, too.

From GenesSecret.com:

"Unmasked and revealed, we pop the lid on Gene's Secret, right here at GenesSecret.com. Watch the real rock icon play a very special performance!This isn't Shannon, this isn't the same Family Jewels that you can catch on late-night cable. This is Gene giving you his best on screen performance yet! Find out all the benefits of being the spokesperson for a the latest energy drink, Frank's Energy. Although it looks like Gene would rather gulp done one of Frank's Energy Girls!"

Hold on a minute here, there's an energy drink called Frank's Energy?  Are you kidding me?  Who knows a Frank with energy?  The name Frank conjures up images of a fat guy with a mustache sitting on his couch in a grease-stained wifebeater wacking off to Skinemax in his parents basement in South Jersey.  Frank's Auto Parts?  Yep.  Frank's Donuts?  Sure, sounds about right.  Frank's Chicken House?  Definitely.   Frank's Energy?  Ah...no.

Gene fired back on GeneSimmons.com, saying,

"Rest assured the proper legal team is looking at all ramifications and options."

Ramifications?  How about everyone having to picture you naked, chubbs?  Are we going to be compensated for these ramifications?  I certainly hope so, cause I just puked up my Frank's Chicken Wing dinner from last night.