George Clooney Says It’s Okay To Look At His Medical Chart

Let’s say you work in a hospital, you’re a nurse, or one of those painfully indifferent reception people in the ER -- maybe you’re even a doctor. It’s a Tuesday night, not much going on, a few people have come in with concussions, someone fell off a ladder, a guy shoved an action figure up his ass  – anyway, slow night.   Then a rumor suddenly ripples through the hospital administration:  a bona fide celebrity, the George Clooney, has been admitted with minor injuries.  He’s on the premises, you can somehow sense he is near.  Maybe you’re a fan of ER, maybe you’re a fan of Rosemary Clooney – whatever the reason, you have to take a look at his medical chart, you can’t resist, his medical chart calls to you like the siren song.  So, with a few keystrokes, you pull up his records, you hack in, you indulge. 

Look, given access, who wouldn’t take a peek?  What could his blood pressure be?  How high are his triglycerides?  And his potassium levels...I must know his potassium levels!

Anyway, it turns out that 40 employees at the Palisades Medical Center succumbed to temptation and have now been suspended without pay – basically just for being human and having a glance at George Clooney’s medical chart.  But today, Clooney sort of defended them:  “This is the first I’ve heard of it,” he said in a statement.  “And while I very much believe in a patient’s right to privacy, I would hope that this could be settled without suspending medical workers.” 


Clooney understands.  He tests positive for level-headedness.