Everything I’ve Ever Said About Britney Spears Is True!

On Tuesday, Britney Spears was spotted in Beverly Hills making a trip to East West Bank with her father, Jamie Spears, close by her side. As you may remember, Britney’s financial assets are still under her father’s custody so I suppose that means he needs to walk her to the bank as well, and judging from her outfit he’ll probably need to feed her with a rubber spoon and a bib when they hit the Starbucks afterwards for her super-fattening caffeinated frozen beverage.  So what’s up with Brit’s doily collared dress and lusterless pearls? – did she go digging through someone’s garbage?  Did she find those clothes in a brown paper sack next to a KFC?  Did it mysteriously occur to her, blinded first by a sudden bright sun, that those were precisely the clothes she needed to improve her imagine? 

Well, whatever the true cause is behind yet another baffling public appearence, I’d like to point out everything I’ve ever said about Britney Spears is true: namely she is an adorable ragamuffin; she is pining away for a crazy granny that will whip some sense into her with a cane and then drive off on a motorized buggy (Beverly Hillbillies style); and that she should just marry herself because damn that dress makes her look old.

But seeing how Jamie Spears has custody of Brit’s money only until a July 31 hearing, I’m tempted to give Britney the benefit of the doubt – is she smart enough to trick her dad into thinking she’s some kind of church-going old lady who will be tight with her purse? – that would probably be like the smartest thing this little cutie has ever done!