Tags: Angelina Jolie , Sarah Jessica Parker
The weekend box office rankings are in and Kung Fu Panda, an animated movie staring Angelina Jolie and Jack Black, topped the list at No. 1, raking in $60 million. That’s cool – I mean, I like pandas, Jack Black, animation, movies, whatever, but what really rules is that Sex in the City got knocked down to fourth place.
Listen, I won’t deny it, I hate both Angelina Jolie and Sarah Jessica Parker, but it’s super important to stamp out the illusion that Manhattan is all pink and in soft focus, that the average person with a job can afford more than two martinis, and that Carrie Bradshaw is actually fuck-able. Why? Because since the start of the TV show, I’ve suffered knowing women who’ve actually discussed which of the four Sex in the City characters they “identified with most.” Seriously, it’s true, and I don’t want a busload of these over-the-hill gal pals suddenly rolling into Port Authority together because this city’s crowded enough. By the way, I was in Port Authority today shopping at the Rite Aid because I had to. That wasn’t pink-tinted loveliness. That was pure hell. Plus it was 95 degrees and humid.
Oh, and also I want to mention there are only roughly 1000 pandas left in the wild. Hopefully, Kung Fu Panda with its A-list stars (Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan, etc), gong clangs, and super fast kung-fu wind sound effects, will bring awareness to this endangered species so that in the end we can say Sarah Jessica Parker and her stupid movie was brought down by a good cause.