Amy Winehouse Wins Five Grammys Proving Drugs Are Harmless

Amy Winehouse cleaned house at Sunday’s 50^th Grammy Awards, taking home two key trophies - song of the year for her signature hit, "Rehab," and best new artist -- as well as awards for female pop vocal solo performance for "Rehab," and pop vocal album for "Back to Black," her breakthrough release.

Winehouse wasn’t able to attend the Grammys because she was denied entry into the United States due to a visa issue last week – but she did participate via satellite, first by giving a damn good performance (she sort of looked like a robot on meds, which was awesome) and then by not forgetting to thank her music label, mom, dad, the city of London, and of course, her incarcerated husband, when she accepted her award.

I really enjoyed how Amy Winehouse snatched song of the year from Beyonce (“Irreplaceable”), Foo Fighters (The Pretender); Rihanna featuring Jay-Z (“Umbrella”); and Justin Timberlake (“What Goes Around...Comes Around”). She also kicked the asses of Canadian singer-songwriter Feist, R&B singer Ledisi, pop rock band Paramore and country artist Taylor Swift for best new artist.

It's been only like a week since Amy Winehouse left rehab.  After Sunday’s sweeping win, I think it’s high time people let her get back on crack.  It’s obvious we should start passing wafers out at schools and encouraging children to start using marijuana, the gateway drug, as soon as possible in order for them to attain the incredible talents that await when they finally make it up to crack-smoking. 

Plus, I think it's been proven that crack saves lives.  It did mine.

Congratulations, Amy Winehouse, and thank you for being a role model.  I will write a letter to the Dept. of Ed. ASAP.