List of 2008 Academy Award Winners

LOS ANGELES, Feb. 24 – In case you guys were banning the Oscars because it's just another big Hollywood stroke-job that excludes you, I’ll give you the list of winners here. You know, so you can have more to complain about at the office this morning.

These are the trophy toters of the 80th annual Academy Awards, which were presented Sunday night at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, downtown Los Angeles.

• Best Picture, "No Country for Old Men" (Must have flipped a coin on this one)
  
  
• Best Actor, Daniel Day Lewis, "There Will Be Blood" (Yeah, he was pretty good in it. He ate steak like beef jerky.   That makes for good acting if anything does at all.)
  
  
• Best Actress, Marion Cotillard, "Ma Vie en Rose" (Non, je ne regrette rien, well, I guess everyone regrets not seeing this movie)
  
  
• Best Director, Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, "No Country for Old Men" (call it!  The popularity of coin flipping has gone way up since this movie came out.  Call it!)
  
  

• Best Foreign Language Film, "The Counterfeiters," Austria (Really? Got to think about this one but not for too long).
  
  
• Best Adapted Screenplay: Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, "No Country for Old Men" (That’s nice, now Cormac Mccarthy can continue being a recluse)
  
  
• Best Original Screenplay: Diablo Cody, "Juno" (PUKE, teenagers should all have abortions – in real life there are no Jason Batemans or Jennifer Garners who are generally less wise than Ellen Page)
  
  
• Best Animated Feature Film: "Ratatouille," Brad Bird (Whatever)
  
  
• Best Art Direction: "Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street," art director Dante Ferretti, set decorator Francesca Lo Schiavo (Sure, I love Johnny Depp and Demons too)
  
  
• Best Cinematography: "There Will Be Blood," Robert Elswit (Coolness again)
  
  
• Best Sound Mixing: "The Bourne Ultimatum," Scott Millan, David Parker and Kirk Francis (Who cares)
  
  
• Best Sound Editing: "The Bourne Ultimatum," Karen Baker Landers and Per Hallberg (Who cares)
  
  
• Best Original Score: "Atonement," Dario Marianelli (Good for a good weeping)
  
  
• Best Original Song: "Falling Slowly" from "Once," Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (Nice)
  
  
• Best Costume Design: "Elizabeth: The Golden Age," Alexandra Byrne (Can’t comment, went deaf when this came on each time.)
  
  
• Best Documentary Feature: "Taxi to the Dark Side," Alex Gibney and Eva Orner (Awesome)
  
  
• Best Documentary Short Subject: "Freeheld," Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth (Awesome)
  
  
• Best Film Editing: "The Bourne Ultimatum," Christopher Rouse (Yeah, there were some pretty average lookers in that movies and they all got to appear tough and all sweating next moves)
  
  
• Best Makeup: "La Vie en Rose," Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald (Yes, yes, yes, can they do me for my birthday party?)
  
  
• Best Animated Short Film: "Peter & the Wolf" (Just reporting)
  
  
• Best Live Action Short Film: "Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets)" (Nice)
  
  
• Best Visual Effects: "The Golden Compass," Michael Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris and Trevor Wood. (Okay, but Nicole Kidman’s god awful new plastic surgery should’ve knocked off a few point there, but I’ll let it pass)